Hanging up my Superwoman cape

She's a successful professional working her way up the corporate ladder, cooks like Nigella, runs a small cupcake business on the side, is on the Parents Teachers Association committee of her children's school and is teaching her one year old baby sign language. This may sound like a comic book heroine but I'm guessing we can all recognise one or more of the modern day Superwoman’s traits and for some of us she may reflect the Over-Achiever we've become. My question though is how healthy is it to want to achieve so much?


There's a Boot advert  released in December depicting two women who are running errands whilst clearly suffering from very bad colds. They bump into each other and recount all the things they have to do which includes completing a presentation for a meeting, packing for a holiday, picking kids up from school and taking them swimming, nursing a husband who is sick in bed and all the while confirming through blocked up noses that they are fine...yes fine. I used to like this advert, in fact it used to make me laugh but not anymore. Now I want to weep when I see it and short of that, I find myself shouting at the TV "Don't encourage them!" Them ofcourse being women who seem to think that it's a badge of honour doing everything and not acknowledging that they sometimes need help or simply to take time out for themselves.

In addition to all that she does, Superwoman’s mission would be incomplete without some serious gloating or one-up man ship. It’s simply not enough to be a size 0 two months after giving birth as well as of course already giving your partner a run for his money in the bedroom and completing a marathon in record time, she also has to tell other women about it ….especially the 'failures'…you know the ones who are having trouble shifting the flab three years after giving birth and are looking like a hot mess on the personal grooming front. What better way to drive them to suicide than to reveal your six pack abs whilst whipping up a three course meal and extolling the virtues of home schooling. Recently Mrs Bloom…. (Orlando’s wife) decided to post a flawless picture of herself breastfeeding her newborn baby accompanied by comments that she gave birth to the almost 10lb baby without any pain relief. Great.....so thanks for that Miranda; that just made the day of that new mum suffering from post natal depression having spent 12 hours in labour with an epidural. And then there’s Gisele Bundchen….yes the supermodel who told women last year that they should all be forced to breastfeed for at least six months because ofcourse she did just that no doubt whilst travelling between Milan and Rio on photo shoots. Another wonderful moment for womankind….just what we needed especially when thousands of women are having a hard time not producing enough milk for their newborns and feeling inadequate as a result.

The truth is being an over achiever, Super mum, Super wife, Super Manager comes at a heavy price to our health. Our constant running around and giving 110% as the expression goes may not manifest itself immediately but it will invariably lead to stress which does have an impact on our short and long term health. Some serious side effects of stress include hair loss, insomnia, high blood pressure and even stomach ulcers, and I can testify to knowing  a number of women who have suffered from one or more of these. What's more so many of us appear incapable of just relaxing….you know that party trick where you do absolutely nothing! In short, our quest for perfection is making us socially inadequate at best and sick at worst.

I'll admit to having donned my Superwoman cape with pride in the past but think my ‘light bulb moment’ came when I woke up one night wondering and asking my sleeping hubby whether our daughter had eaten lunch before going to a party the day before. That’s when I realised that this business of trying to do everything and do it perfectly was getting out of hand. Not only was my question absurd at 2 a.m., it also revealed that rather than having a restful night’s sleep I was busy worrying about all the things I had not been able to control/do perfectly. I concluded that rather than lose my sanity trying to create an unrealistically perfect world, I had better lower my expectations. So whilst I am not hanging up my chef’s apron completely or giving up blogging or my business or doing a good job at work, I am loosening my control on these things. If work doesn’t get done within the dedicated hours, i.e. 9am-5pm with a full hour’s lunch, then it will simply have to wait until the next day. I’m going to re-acquaint myself with the freezer section of the supermarket when I just don’t have the energy to prepare a nutritious meal from scratch. My kids do not need to have organised activity every weekend, sometimes they can just play with the toys they have or here’s an idea…learn to entertain themselves. If I can only get around to blogging once a month….then so be it. I’m sure the world will survive without my pearls of wisdom for a few weeks. And as far as the business is concerned I will learn to delegate more and then just let it go!!!!!! Because let’s face it while Superwoman goes about saving the world, who on earth is saving her?

If this is Capitalism, then call me a Socialist!

Tomorrow will mark two years since Barack Obama took office as President of the United States and today the House Representatives voted to repeal his Health care reform bill which many will argue is his greatest achievement to date.
So why repeal it?....to most Europeans it seems like a 'no-brainer' to use an American term, yet the US population are divided on whether everyone should have the right to decent and safe healthcare irrespective of their financial situation. To be very frank I just don't get it. Perhaps I'm missing something but I find myself asking whether this is what true Capitalism looks like?

Simply put Capitalism is defined as "an economic and political system in which a country's trade and industry are controlled by private owners for profit, rather than by the state." (Source Oxford Dictionary Online) Socialism on the other hand, advocates public or common ownership and management of resources.
With Capitalism comes a tendency for a more individualistic society - as money is king ultimately, we must all work towards making more of it, even if this is to the detriment of others. Contrary to what Fox News would have their dimwitted audience believe, countries in Europe follow the Capitalist model rather than the socialist one, however most Europeans understand and appreciate the need for the State to intervene in order to protect vulnerable members of society. Hence Europeans' bewilderment about public opposition to the US Healthcare reform bill. I suspect there is also a widely held belief shared by most decent human beings that certain rights must not be compromised, rights such as access to  food, education and yes healthcare!
In African societies, it is a given that we take care of our extended families - and although this can prove burdensome at times for able-bodied and better off family members, it results in closer and stronger family bonds and everyone in society from the young to the old feel cared for.
In European countries where nuclear families are more common,  people still accept that they have an obligation to contribute towards a better society, i.e. by paying their taxes or other social contributions. I'm not suggesting for a moment that people don't complain about this or at times about able-bodied people who 'sponge off' society, they certainly do. Nonetheless I've yet to hear someone bemoan the fact that unemployed or poorer members of society are receiving free healthcare which their taxes pay for. It just seems like a very odd thing to me in a so-called civilised and developed country. Such an attitude furthers the rich poor divide and although such disparity is something the Western media documents as representative of developing countries, the images post Hurricane Katrina tell us quite something else. I wonder though if the Americans who complain about having to fund healthcare simply choose to ignore the adverse effects of a society where companies thrive at the expense of the poor and sick or where the wealthy can afford the best medical treatments while the poor and struggling have to choose between their health and say the roof over their heads.To date the main and only valid argument I've heard from those opposed to Obama's Affordable Health Care Act is that it will mean a rise in their taxes. Although there are other gripes, such as the fear of government using healthcare funding for abortions and the government taking over and operating a second rate healthcare system - such arguments have been rebutted unequivocally. The crux of opponents' argument therefore is that they are expected to susidise through their taxes those with the greatest need which simply put reflects an 'everyman for himself' attitude.

Before the Act came in last year, 46 million Americans were without health insurance, children with pre-existing conditions could be denied coverage, and insurers could cancel your policy retroactively because of an unintentional mistake on your application. The Act has addressed these and many more issues so what exactly is so objectionable about it?
I understand that American Society thrives on hard work and for many people, success has come as a result of sheer drive and determination. This is an admirable quality and why the country is still viewed as the land of opportunity. Yet we cannot ignore the fact that the 'lazy and privileged' also exist. There are those who were born into 'money' whose paths have been carved for them and who are where they are today simply because of their heritage. I can think of a few former US Presidents to illustrate this point. It is therefore disingenuous to suggest that the vulnerable among us should be denied assistance when there was never a level playing field to begin with. If we all started on an equal footing, this argument may be somewhat persuasive but even then.... as we say in Africa 'No one knows what tomorrow will bring'. There are times when in spite of our best efforts we find ourselves in need of a helping hand; there have been stories of people whose lives were turned upside down following a redundancy. There are those who recognise that all  it will take is a few missed mortgage payments for them to find themselves without a roof over their heads and in need of assistance.

It's one thing to deny people financial support but quite another to refuse them healthcare when they are at their most vulnerable. Healthcare should be a right not a privilege and if supporting a system that provides a more equitable system where companies are not allowed to exploit the vulnerable, means being accused of Socialism, then that is a badge I will proudly wear.

Cyberspace - the new mask for hatred

They call themselves critics or commentators, I prefer the term cowards. I refer to those who hide behind cyberspace in order to voice their hate-filled and often obscene ideas. Pick any website from news sources like guardian.co.uk to gossip ones like dailymail.co.uk to Youtube, social networks like Twitter; take a moment to read some of the comments made by people in response to contributors' opinions and postings and chances are your blood will run cold.

Human beings seem capable of expressing such loathsome ideas, and of so much hatred often in response to some of the most trivial things when there is no fear of them having to defend their ideas publically. It reminds me of the Klu Klux Klan and their masks as they carried out lynchings and like that, it smacks of cowardice whichever way we look at it.

I am a firm believer in standing by your convictions, however unpopular. If you believe in something you should have the courage to defend it. If however a person is simply harbouring hateful ideas which have no place in society and cannot be defended then rather than using the internet which can be a positive and progressive tool, they should consider keeping those thoughts locked in their warped mind or better still think about speaking to a professional about their issues.

I enjoy using the internet, emailing, blogging and keeping in touch with friends and family; my work is almost entirely reliant on this medium. Yet the internet also frightens me ....quite a lot; hence the decision to not include my personal details in this blog. In the past, I've been the object of hateful and anonymous email messages whose origin I have no idea of, more than two years later. I also limit my children's exposure to the internet because of the number of psychos who I believe reside in cyberspace.
I once found a Youtube video of the Little Mermaid which started with the character Ariel singing only for it to morph into some 'nutter' launching into his own version of 'Part of your world' whilst gyrating in front of his webcam. Clearly he did this in order to lure children who would expect to see a full version of the Disney classic and would instead end up viewing some deranged grown man clearly in need of his medication or locking up for all our sakes.
On another occasion I pulled up a video again on Youtube of the Kidz Bop version of the song 'Hey, I love you' which a friend posted on her Facebook only to be confronted with comments that included obscene name-calling of children in the group whose music is aimed at 3-10 year olds. More recently I happened upon Rihanna's twitter page and saw an exchange between her and a 'follower' where the latter made a misogynistic comment in response to a positive message the singer had posted. Clearly not wanting to seem like a spoil-sport, she responded to him; although my approach would have been to simply 'block' the moron!
Call me naive but does it not go without saying that as human beings we wont all share the same opinions or find the same things appealling? And if that is accepted as a given, then why subject yourself to something you dislike only to lay into it? For instance, I don't care for rock music so it would be insane of me to watch an Aerosmith video only to post insults directed at the band because their music 'sucks' to use a common cyber term.

I think debate is healthy and yes by all means critique someone's work but using real parameters not simply your personal like or dislike. If someone writes an opinion piece, it is simply that, an opinion piece, they are not reporting the news, they are simply giving their opinion on something, therefore the analysis should be based on whether that opinion was well-presented, balanced or convincing. If someone has 'left-wing' ideas you can be certain they are not setting out to convince a 'right-wing' reader. So for that reader to accuse them of being liberal or leftist is really to state the obvious; to go further and spout hateful words or try to discredit their professionalism simply on the basis of a difference of opinion is childish and to do so from the comfort of a barren living room where only the 'critic' and his lonely computer sit...quite pathetic.

On this blog, I choose to moderate comments not because I don't welcome criticism but simply because I refuse to provide a forum for the frustrated and borderline insane to air their questionable opinions.
I read a number of blogs and sometimes I agree with what the person says, other times I don't, if a piece is well written I will say so. If I dont think it is then I simply wont post a comment because I know that there are others out there who will beg to differ. I also think it's morally wrong to belittle the work of someone or worse defame them while hiding behind some ridiculous cyber name.

Fortunately there is an increase in cases of internet slander or internet libel so people will be forced to think twice about what they post on the internet 'anonymously'. Likewise there is an ongoing debate about incitment to hatred on the internet which while recognising that Freedom of expression extends to the internet, acknowledges that it carries with it the same responsibilities as it does in the real world.

NY-LON Part II – London calling

Call me biased but as far as cities go, London is truly phenomenal!

I like to think of it as the smart cool kid of cities. When you're in this densely populated city of 7.5 million, you feel like you're part of a vibrant metropolis that isn't defined by any one thing. It's colourful, it’s exciting, it's lively, it loves to debate but at the same time doesn't take itself too seriously. There are a million and one things to do that will engage your mind but at the same time allow you to bask in the glow of the ‘stylish set’. Londoners are some of the coolest city dwellers around. Although admittedly when I moved back a few years ago I felt like a fish out of water and what struck me the most was how well put together most people were. I was left wondering when exactly everyone became so stylish. Having spent time in France and Italy, I readily admit that the British are not natural style icons but like so many things - they are open to ideas and as a result they've learnt how to look good and make the most of their assets, not to mention the fact that the city being the melting pot that it is, has meant Londoners have become closely acquainted with Spanish, French and Italian style among others.

Aside from being on trend, London is an open-minded city. I think this is as a result of a massively diverse population who are allowed to be themselves, no assimilation for us thank you very much. Londoners get on with their lives, embracing each other’s cultures and redefining British culture as we know it, so much so that the last time I checked curry, (yes...as in korma or vindaloo) was the national dish!

Some may argue that it creates problems when people don't assimilate but I beg to differ. A lot of African, Eastern European and Asian children start school with English as their second language but as adaptable as children are, they are soon able to pick up the language, its nuances and convincingly speak and act British. To be British however is not to be confused with being English. For me, being British is about being articulate, appreciating a dry and sometimes dirty sense of humour, being self-deprecating, not taking myself too seriously, sharing a drink at the pub all the while knowing that I'll go home and enjoy some hip-life as I tuck into my fufu and okra soup and speak fondly of 'back home'. I know it must all sound terribly contradictory and yes I probably would fail the cricket test if it still existed today.

But back to this fabulous city which embodies my definition of Britishness! To compare it to New York or Paris would be doing it a disservice, yes it has all the bright lights of a big city; its theatre rivals Broadway, its architecture is comparable to that of Paris and Rome, but it is about so much more than all the trappings of a big city. London rocks because it is the most tolerant city I have ever visited or lived in. This may be as a result of the British 'stiff upper lip' which means that self restraint is the order of the day. Generally as a group we tend to not be shaken by much and this allows for a great deal of room to manoeuvre. A half-naked girl on the tube doesn't move Londoners; if however she were to start smoking, "well that simply won’t do!" At that point 'one would have to voice one's concern' ....mind you more likely than not 'under one's breath'. The effect of this stoic, some would say passive aggressive approach is that people can be themselves, however that is defined and this, is no mean feat.

London offers choice in everything, from entertainment to eateries, to clothes, to ideas. Although it can sometimes seem like too much choice is a bad thing, only when you're faced with a situation where everyone is 'singing from the same hymn sheet' do you appreciate its value.

I'm always struck by the 'underlying' lack of choice when I travel to Europe and to an extent North America. Underlying because it seems absurd to suggest that there is a lack of choice in Western countries when comparing them with some parts of the developing world, yet if you pay closer attention, you’ll see that what you get is simply 'more of the same'. I always notice particular products and franchises that are overtly more present than others when I travel to other countries. For instance, last summer I couldn't get over the fact that every single pushchair (stroller) I saw on the streets of New York and Boston carried the name of British manufacturer, Maclaren and I visited enough parks and child friendly areas to say that with confidence. I also used to find it amusing as a teenager visiting family in Maryland that every single American family I came across seemed to trust only Robitusson to get rid of their coughs, so much so I started my own theory that the company must be government-owned.

Moving to Europe, in Holland, it seems virtually impossible to shop anywhere other than Albert Heijn supermarket, whether in Rotterdam, Amsterdam or the Hague, I found myself confronted by the same A-H logo that made me think I was on some eerie horror movie set where the protagonist runs for miles and miles and finds herself back in the same ghost town.

In Paris, everyone who has ever ordered a Chinese take away in my presence seems to go for the same thing...'riz cantonais' and 'les nems'; in the US, the equivalent would be General Tso's chicken!!! I cant help but wonder if there's some unwritten rule book that everyone gets about ordering Chinese food when they arrive in these countries.
I admit that there are key brands that are apparent in this city too but I truly believe London makes for a much more discerning consumer. Whether it's clothes retailers, supermarkets, quality fresh produce, restaurants, clubs, bars, newspapers and even political thought.

Whether you're shopping at Portobello market, grabbing some dim sum heaven at Ping Pong or watching a show at South Bank, there just seems to be more on offer including the opportunity to use your head and if necessary to go against the grain.

The only thing to bear in mind is that when in London, conformity is simply not an option!