More than just a game

Football can be a source of  passion for many and irritation for others, especially I suspect, a lot of women who have to play second fiddle to the sport. Considering it occupies around 9 months of the year if we consider the national leagues or in the year the World cup comes around add another month to the equation. Imagine, the best part of a year taking a back seat as the guys bond over the numerous all important matches, 10 months of enduring football chants and mood swings dictated by egotistical overpaid football players' performances. It can't be easy on the average girlfriend or wife. A few years ago I decided that if you can't beat them you may as well join them so I got into the beautiful game and surprisingly loved it!
I recognise that supporting a particular team can be something of an emotional rollercoaster - fortunately my team of choice is Manchester United so I rarely have cause to cringe with embarassement or despair at their performance, what with them being the greatest team in the English Premier League and all.... I would say in the world but that may be a stretch because of those darn Catalans.
So this year it's a football fest all year round, first the Champions League, then the Premier League which we lost...only just, and now the World Cup. Although I haven't watched many of the matches, I know where my allegiance lies - Africa. Whether it's Ivory Coast, Nigeria, Cameroon, South Africa or the mighty Black Stars, Ghana who are taking it to the Quarter Finals on behalf of the continent, I am an African through and through....first and foremost. Then comes my adopted country - England, provided ofcourse they aren't facing an African team.
This World Cup has been so politicised that my convictions have become even stronger. Every pre-World Cup documentary in the British and some European media was about the poverty in SA or the level of crime or how the money could have been better spent. I confess that there are many issues that South Africa needs to address and is addressing and perhaps many more than most former host countries of the World Cup but we cannot pretend that those countries who sit back and throw stones, don't live in their own fragile glass houses. For instance, the budget for the 2012 Olympics in London will probably exceed the projected £9.3billion, yet there are homeless people on the streets of London. There are council estates in London which are so run down or ridden with crime that they have become no-go areas for non-residents. There are old British people who have to make a choice between food and heating as their pensions and living allowances do not afford them both 'luxuries',we have become so deeply indebted that public spending is being cut at an alarmind rate and as though all that wasn't enough there are still children who leave school barely able to read and write destined for a 'career' on the dole (unemployed). All this in a so-called developed economy. So the question should be whether any country perhaps other than Brunei is justified in spending millions of dollars or pounds on sporting events? Why single out South Africa?

The repeated stories calling into question South Africa's capability of holding such a high profile event reflect a racist attitude on the part of the Western media. Likewise there is a deeply inbedded sense of inferiority on the part of some Africans, who like the media, give credence to the 'dark continent' narrative, telling whoever will listen that nothing good can or should ever come out of Africa. While this is irritating though hardly suprising coming from our former colonial masters,  it is disturbing and disheartening when it comes from Africans themselves. Why are we as Africans unworthy of hosting an event like the World Cup? Why raise the question of where money should be prioritised when almost every nation is guilty of throwing good money after bad knowing full well that there are always more pressing needs. Surely the World Cup is a positive event that will have both a positive impact on the country's economy whether in terms of the number of jobs it has created or the countless legacy programmes that have come about because of the World Cup. Are we expected to keep on apologising for our struggling economies, which we alone as Africans cannot be deemed responsible for? Why does it bother so many to see something good come out of the continent?

As Africans living both in the continent and the Diaspora, I would argue that even with the lack of opportunities and resources, and all the odds stacked against us, we still seem to succeed and often excel. Yet if the countless documentaries that were churned out in time for the World Cup are anything to go by, this still comes as a surprise to many Europeans. An African Journey with Jonathan Dimbleby on the BBC had him repeatedly aghast at how resourceful or hardworking Africans can be...or that there are African economies which would be of interest to foreign investors. Likewise in the hugely debated Welcome to Lagos, the narrator, David Harewood (who is British of Caribbean origin) seemed taken aback that residents of deprived areas in the city were able to make a life out of so little. All of this led me to wonder how it is that in the 21st century people know so little of our beautiful continent or its people. They all seem to buy into the usual downtrodden needy malnourished African to be pitied. Yet the story for the majority of Africans is no different to that of ordinary Europeans who work hard and have aspirations for themselves and their children.

Back to football where the same attitude is prevalent; once again many ignore the fact that some of the greatest players in leagues all over the world are African and assume that African teams are only in the running as formality. Their failure would appear to be a fait accompli according to the football pundits. That some of the African teams have not performed well has little to do with the players' individual abilities and more to do with the fact that they rarely play as a team and therefore lack the cohesion and discipline which other teams have. The African Cup of Nations is missed by many because of players' commitments to their clubs who after all pay them a salary unlike a team like England who all play on home soil and therefore have ample opportunities to practice as a national team. Inspite of all but one of the African teams in the World Cup not making it past the group stages, we still have much to be proud of. If money were anything to go by France, Italy, Denmark and England would be wiping the floor clean with teams from less developed nations, yet the first three teams were sent home before the knockout stages and England fell pitifully at the first crucial hurdle. South Africa was able to beat France and Ghana sent the Americans home with amazing precision. I cannot fathom how as Africans we can fail to feel proud given that some of the Ghanain players are not even signed to major football clubs nor does their team have a fraction of the USA team's budget. Even though many African football players are now signed to international clubs with access to the best facilities, they all started with nothing but their pure raw talent.....cultivated on home soil.
In my humble opinion, there is so much to be proud of, whether it's South Africa's amazing efforts in hosting this event, or the Black Stars and their superb game. It is worth recognising these efforts and asking ourselves that if things were different, how far could African teams go....? Personally I am reminded in watching this World Cup that our continent's future is bright and that Africans will continue to influence and impress the rest of the World.
For now we will continue to sound our vuvuzelas in resounding support of our heroes the Black Stars!

Other people's children

I adore children, really I do but I realise that I’m developing an increasing lack tolerance for other people’s children. It’s not they're not cute or that they lack extraordinary talents i.e. your 3 year old’s ability to count to a thousand. It’s more about their behaviour, their lack of manners and their generally held belief that the world revolves around them because clearly this is what their parents have been telling them.


Take for instance my recent train journey from Newcastle –I was stuck in a small space (a regular coach compartment) for 3 hours and had to deal with a little boy who spent half of his time repeatedly shouting the words ‘fat pants’ which he obviously thought was his way of being rebellious and rude, and the other half crying and screaming. His mother, instead of disciplining her child at home so that he would know how to behave when he came out in public, was red faced with embarrassment as she pleaded with him to be quiet. I was tempted but of course resisted saying ‘It’s a little late for that now isn’t it love?’

I do sympathise with parents who have difficult children, honest I do and I’m a parent myself so I’d be lying if I said that my children were always on their best behaviour. They are after all quite young so unpredictable madness does happen every so often. I guess to an extent it’s about the frequency of the insane and bad behaviour in public.

There are parents out there, mums especially who over-indulge their children and that can only be a bad thing when those children are out in the real world interacting with people who don’t think they’re so precious. A lot of parents, again mothers especially seem to be under the deluded impression that their children are cute by universal standards; that the cheeky things they say make for great dinner table conversations. Really...they don’t. I love my children but I’m under no illusion that everyone else finds them adorable. I’m also cognisant of the fact that the things they say are amusing to me alone, even their dad doesn’t always get it. Yes, so what if little Johnny said ‘oh mummy you look great in that skirt’. It’s only cute because a) you’re the source of Johnny’s compliment and b)you can remember when Johnny couldn’t even talk at all so this is all such a big deal for you. For the rest of the world, he’s just another precocious child to join the long list that’ve graduated from Italia Conti talent school or made the school’s gifted register. What matters is that your little genius knows how to comport himself in public, doesn’t throw tantrums when he thinks he’s not getting his own way or interrupt the conversation of adults who are older and therefore wiser than him.

I remember our parents’ generation taking the approach of children being seen and not heard and I’m beginning to think that they were on to something. Today too many children have been led to believe they dictate what happens in their homes. We spend our lives as modern day mothers in the Western world planning activities for them and around them to the detriment of our own social lives. A balance has to be struck somewhere. While there should be child-focused activities, I think we need to teach our children that sometimes they need to enjoy their own companies or have time to reflect on how fortunate they are in the grand scheme of things. We especially need to teach them discipline because aside from it helping us to have some semblance of order in our homes, it’s invaluable when they’re out in public representing us. Trust me, everyone judges you by your children’s behaviour. They may not say it but they’re secretly thinking ‘what bad parents’ when they see your child rolling around on the supermarket floor because you refused to buy her that packet of sweets.

It’s no secret that we didn’t invent parenting, and we’re not the first to have difficult children, our parents did it and at no point do I recall us throwing the sort of hissy fits some children throw today. Actually correction, I do remember trying it once – I threw away an ice-cream my mother bought me because she bought the same for my cousins too, much to be capricious annoyance. After she had finished dealing with me, let’s just say it never happened again.

If as a modern parent you don’t subscribe to disciplining your child in whatever shape or form, then let me offer a word of advice, perhaps it would be best to keep them locked up at home and not inflict them on the rest of us.

Keep our supermarkets, buses, trains and planes free of your badly behaved brats.

The politics of natural hair

It really shouldn’t be an issue how we wear our hair but for black women it has been since Madam C J Walker and her hair products and probably even before. Even now I can picture some poor child with a sore head sat on a stool in a Malian village having her hair braided and listening to complaints about her ‘tough’ it is. So why is our hair or choice of hairstyle still such a political matter?

Let me start by making a full disclosure - I have natural hair, it’s been that way since the 90s and back then it was definitely a political thing for me. I was heading to university and it was all about black consciousness; there was no way I was going to attend meetings on Ancient African civilizations, on Kemet, Osiris and Isis, rocking a weave or a perm. My perm which was my 16th birthday present – I had worn my mum out asking to be allowed to straighten my hair and she finally relented- was replaced with braids, twists, afros and eventually dreadlocks. Oddly enough I felt relieved though not for the obvious reasons, I suddenly realised that my hair was not that difficult to manage and surprisingly versatile. I could go from braid extensions, to twists which when I took out formed a cute curly fro that I’d pull back with a hair band. I loved my natural hair and it required less visits to the hairdressers than the relaxed hairstyles I had before. I could sit in front of the TV and do a two strand twist or single braids or get a friend to cornrow the front whilst I gel twisted the back. I could even when the mood caught me, blow dry it straight for a ‘relaxed’ look and although I didn’t judge my girlfriends who still straightened their hair with chemicals and the very few who wore weaves, I knew that there was no way I was going to go back to that rigorous and time consuming hair regimen, not to mention the effects of piling chemicals on my head at six-weekly intervals.

Hair like music and so many other things is about personal tastes - a case of different strokes for different folks; most of my close friends straightened their hair and I recognise that it’s not because of a desire to look European or White as some idle ‘slave-mentality theorists’ would have us believe but rather because having their hair straightened was and is convenient for them. I’m also deeply aware of the fact that natural black hair or nappy hair as it is sometimes called by African-Americans is not always welcome in certain milieus. I know for a fact that a lot of companies, especially the larger more conservative kind would be more inclined to give a job to a black girl with straight ‘non-controversial’ hair than to someone with twists. I have friends who ‘tone’ down their natural hair style for the ‘day’ job and let the ‘fro loose at the weekends. Call it our equivalent of letting your hair down. Admittedly, it’s unfortunate though that so many people, both Black and White can still not move past the hair thing. This may be reflective of people wanting everyone to look the same – less of the colourful African prints and ‘crazy’ hair and more of the tailored suits and straightened ‘tame’ hair. Whilst I’m not advocating wearing wild hairstyles to the office meeting and yellow and pink lace bubus, I don’t see why a well-kept natural hairstyle should cause any offence.

I was talking with a friend recently at a party about her newly adopted natural twists and she confessed that even though she loved them, three of her close White colleagues admitted that they preferred her with her hair straightened. They even went as far as to divulge that they found her natural twists made her look aggressive. She was shocked and as you can imagine a tad disillusioned. There was nothing different about her demeanour or behaviour when she wore her hair naturally; the issue was obviously with their perception. Faced with this kind of stereotyping, it’s no wonder some people opt for the safer route of straightened hair.

There may also be a larger issue of black women who have talked themselves into the notion that they could not possibly maintain their hair if it were natural. When I lived in East Africa, each time I went to the hairdressers, I would face a battle as they tried to convince me to straighten my hair because it would be 'soooo long' if I did. “Why don’t you just lerax [relax] it” was the chorus, as though these women, born and bred in Africa had never seen natural black hair in their lives. I don’t agree that this is a form of self-loathing but I do think that it’s a crying shame that we cannot accept what God has given us and make the most of it. Many of us would be pleasantly surprised to realise that the pain we endured as little black girls having our hair braided or chopped off completely because it was too ‘difficult’ need no longer exist thanks to the incredibly versatile Shea butter or the countless amazing and divine smelling oils and products on offer at The Hairoine and Carol’s daughter. If we ease up on petroleum based products, we may find that our hair has an incredibly versatile curl to it that can be teased out with a little water and natural oils. Although I don’t condition my hair as much as I should, I know that there are countless products out there now, some even in the mainstream black hair shops.

It’s important to not let others define who you are; when I started university, I had beautiful copper dreadlocks, years later I decided that if I wanted a job in the legal profession, I would have to cut them off, which I did. A year ago I decided to go back to my locks, not because I follow the Rastafarian religion but because I like the way they look on my head. I work for a company that is progressive and even if they did think it they would not dare express any disapproval of my hairstyle. My hair is clean and pulled back for meetings so that the focus is not on my head or my clothes but what I have to say. Nonetheless I want people to get used to the fact that I look different because I am different. This is what my hair looks like in its natural state, call it frizzy, call it nappy, call it bad hair, it is what it is and I wouldn’t have it any other way

Sex and the City 2

So I tried really hard to ignore the critics, let's face it, what do they know? According to them noone wants to go and see ageing women making a spectacle of themselves. Why would they? What we all want to see are ageing men making spectacles of themselves with young busty women right? Right?


I have to confess that when I read my friend's review, I nearly caved in - surely if this smart like-minded empowered woman hated SATC 2, there must definitely be something wrong.

Even though my resolve was week, I decided to keep an open mind and went to see it all the same....

So Act 1, Scene 1...so far so good. A bit of reminiscing, humour at the outrageous 80s outfits. Scene 2 - cheesy but funny, one too many cliches about homosexual men and their love for all things Liza Minelli and cabaret but hey...still in good spirit. I'm liking it...but I'm waiting for the crash.

We move on, lunch with the gals, differences of opinion with hubby which I can relate to, motherhood frustrations, work/career issues, dilemmas about 'grown up' life and lusting after what once was. I get it. As always with Sex and the City, I got most of the dialogue, not the stuff coming from Carrie, though that wasnt really a surprise, I've always found her brand of wisdom a little too self-centred, American-centric and a tad immature for me, so it was the stuff from the less obvious wise women - Miranda, Charlotte and especially Samantha that I got and agreed with for the most part. Carrie true to form seems to live a bubble that is New York. I remember the whole debacle about moving to Paris towards the end of the series, to listen to it, one would have thought she was contemplating moving to the Amazonian forest. It was ridiculously over-dramatised and reminded the world why Americans are still so narrow-minded because if Paris, which is a few hours a way and mirrors New York in so many ways was considered a strangely foreign land that she could barely cope with, then what hope is there for modern American women to discover more far flung places in the world without being overcome by fear of being eaten alive by 'the natives'?

Back to the film, Part deux, we move on to Abu Dhabi, the outfits are ridiculous I must confess, definitely not my cup of tea and even Miranda and Charlotte who usually come through were obviously dressed by some crazed Gautier/Chanel intern trying to prove a point, i.e. that high fashion has no place in the real world. The opulence of Abu Dhabi wasn't too my taste either but was certainly well researched so top marks for that. As for the treatment of the 'locals' - I saw nothing anti-islamic or anti-Arab about the film's portrayal of Arab women or men. They even get bonus points for reflecting that the workers in th UAE are mostly foreigners like the Indian butler or the Nigerian karaoke compere. Overall I thought this part was handled with honesty and for once in our pathetic 21st century lives, Political Correctness was shown the door in favour of good ole fashioned honesty. Yes there are issues with states in the UAE such as Dubai and Abu Dhabi that claim to be open and yet still treat women like second class citizens, where men act as though sex is a dirty word when in actual fact (and this wasn't in the film) many of them are getting plenty of the sordid kind behind closed doors. And yes Samantha was disrespectful and went overboard but she, like many Westerners refuse to get the fact that there are cultural differences in this world we live in, and simply because every corner of the globe has a Coca Cola kiosk, does not mean that we've all embraced every aspect of American culture. There are times when these narrow-minded foreigners find themselves languishing in Emirate prisons because they think surely kissing a fellow consenting adult is not illegal. If nothing else, SATC 2 will teach the randy Brit and American tourists that when in UAE do as the Arabs do.

All in all the loud crash bang wallop didn't happen for me, I laughed and I cringed especially at Samantha and her shameless flirting, but I was also amused by her one-liners. There was a huge layer of cheese when it came to the girl fest and celebrating women but you know what when I think of my girlfriends and the way we interact, if we expressed our mutual respect and love for one another, it would seem extremely cheesy but it would be the truth and nothing but. So if cheese is being honest about how phenomenal we are, mothers, career women, wives, then bring it on! I would watch this film again in a heartbeat because as always with Sex and the City, I can relate to these women and that's what I think the hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions of women who will still flock to the cinema to see it, will take away from it.
Long live the chick flick!!!

Why is networking so hard when it's not social?

I remember when networking was  the buzz word for new graduates. There were career fairs galore and final year students would be advised to attend all of them and to network. It was certainly an exciting time and most of us being young and naive, believed that all we had to do was to wow the HR director from Freshfields or any other top Law firm and the job would be our's. Some of the go-getters even went further and ensured that they were only friends with those they felt were going places, it was all about securing your future. So rubbing shoulders with the Oxbridge graduate who was heading for the top city law firm meant that some of their success would rub off on you too. I confess that I was one of the ones who paid little attention, although I knew I wanted to be successful in whatever I did, I realised even then that I wouldn't find happiness or peace of mind at these top commercial law firms and as such I opted out of what I considered the painful exercise of networking. I say painful because it was the employer's market then and is probably even more so now, therefore they could have their pick of the cream of the class and would either dismiss the rest or worse still patronise them with comments like 'You're very bright and I wish you all the best in finding a training contract' - read 'You're not smart enough but we are completely out of your league'. You had to be extremely thick-skinned to not realise then and there, even before knowing your results that you had as much chance of getting on their trainee programmes as you did of being discovered on the streets as the next Naomi Campbell.
Having entered the workforce and found my way into the international civil service, I began to realise the value of networking however inadvertent. It was less about telling potential employers that you were open to offers and more about making the right impression with people knowing that you could never be sure when your paths may cross in the future. I tried to live by the motto 'Don't burn your bridges.'
Having joined the 'professional' networking site Linked In - and spent the first few months with a bland profile, I thought it was time to update the 'about me' section and reacquaint myself with those key contacts I'd made over the years. The reactions were unexpected - ex colleagues were happy to touch base and catch up personal news, the new baby, new house, new town and even a new job but then when it came to something more concrete like trying to introduce friends to old and useful contacts, people seemed more reluctant and almost put out. I noticed a familiar unease which I had found when I worked as a consultant years ago in New York - everyone assumes you're looking for the next contract so you can become something of a pariah.
Most people were almost possessive about the organisation they work for; some gave the impression that you had just asked them to slip you a £50 note or to give you a room to sleep. General banter would be met with immediate replies; the more concrete stuff like asking people if they know of opportunities or good contacts for a highly qualified friend looking for a job - would be met with an uncomfortable silence or evasion. I recognise that people sometimes feel as though they are not in a position to influence a recruitment process and far from wanting them to hand people a job on a platter, what I believe the networking exercise is designed to do, is simply broaden your scope as a jobseeker. There is always someone who knows someone who might be looking for someone, so how better to make that 3rd degree connection than with a simple introduction.
I must confess I do judge people who are guarded and who do feel put out by professional networking because I think we all need to acknowledge that we've been given a hand at some point. None of us were born experienced project managers, human rights officers or economists, someone had to give us the break which made all the difference.
As a woman networking in the East and West African countries where I've worked, has been largely about stroking the egos of powerful businessmen or government officials in the hope that they will sign on the dotted line without you having to compromise your education, intelligence and experience. It can be frustrating and at times humiliating because you wonder why your Masters degree counts for so little and why you have to resort to the same feminine wiles your mother and grandmother had to use.
In the West, networking can be even tougher because the competition tends to be fiercer. The window of opportunity to impress on paper and in person can last from a few seconds to a few minutes at most. It can be endlessly tedious trying to think of clever ways to say that you are the best person for the job because you are the smartest one they've probably seen and let's face it you can probably do this job with your eyes closed. A lot of employers tend to take on people who have the gift of the gab but often fail to deliver when they start the job they so cleverly campaigned for.
And yes it is still an employer's market so we have to play nice and expand our professional networks with a view of securing that little extra, that edge that you hope will make a difference. It can be even more of a minefield when so many people are uncomfortable with professional networking and feel inclined to act as though you had an empty begging bowl outstretched.
I'd like to think I've come to acknowledge the importance of expanding one's network, regardless of your position, short of handing someone your job, there is no reason why we cant give useful and impartial advice. Whilst I can't guarantee you'll get the job, if I can atleast give you some useful information or willing contacts who knows what he outcome will be. What's more we live in a time of such professional uncertainty that the jobseeker of today could end up being the recruiter of tomorrow and then you may feel some relief that you did the art of professional networking such justice.

Men v Sex and the City - proof that we still inhabit different planets

The time has come again for female friends to get dolled up and slip on their sexiest heels for a special visit to the cinemas. As you can imagine, we're not just talking about any old rated R film, its nearly time for us to laugh, cringe and sob over the much anticipated Sex and the City 2. Whether you're in Jo'burg, Paris, New York or Madrid, most women with access to American television will have heard of the dynamic foursome known as Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha. Two years ago I went with my girlfriends to see the first installment in West London and was able to discuss the tear-jerking and downright hilarious parts with friends who lived way across the pond in New York. We could all relate and whilst we didn't think it was a Oscar worthy plot or performances, we still loved every minute of it and saw it several times. Like Jimmy Choos, SATC seems to unify women, regardless of colour or financial means, we love the celebration of femininity, friendship and general fabulousity. So why does this US export cause so much disdain, dismay and irritation among men folk? Why, I wonder are men so averse to Sex and the City?

Yesterday as I savoured my copy of my favourite bite size magazine (http://www.stylist.co.uk/ ), I decided against my better judgement to read what four male writers had to say about the women of Sex and the City. It took some courage and tongue biting as each one analysed a different character with comments like 'Women realise ditsy in a woman over the age of 33 is unbecoming but they forgive all this because she has...shoes' - no prices for guessing who the Shortlist magazine's editorial director is referring to there. Another writer comments that Miranda who is apparently 'exactly the kind of woman decent men like' (which makes me think there cant be many of these decent men out there as I know an awful lot of single Mirandas) is portrayed as selling out as she settles for 'bored domesticity with a man not fit to clean her shoes'. As if we hadn't been insulted enough, Samantha, who many of us believe epitomises female strength and sexuality is dubbed as a single man's dream because she is willing to and encourages single women to have non committal sex without the promise of  a ring or expensive gift. Perish the thought that a woman would actually enjoy sex and engage in it for her own pleasure. And so these four masculine 'thinkers' go on, pulling apart the women and the series as little more than a disgrace to feminism. Carrie is apparently the least attractive to men because aside from being 'ditsy' she 'works from a rule book made from princessy-ness and insecurity'. But before you rush out to buy yourself a cat and resolve to live a life of singledom, there is hope for the single woman; writer Chris Bell gives us all a little encouragement  by encouraging us to look to Charlotte who he describes as 'perfect wife material - formal and reserved in public; a 'goer' in private, as our role model. So all is not lost, if we all strive to be 'Park Avenue Polyanna(s)' we could land ourselves husbands and have our very own happily ever after - apparently Charlotte's character is the one who 'wins' - true love, marriage and kids! Talk about hitting the jackpot.
If on the other hand you prefer to make feminists lament all over the world by having 'free' sex with men then you'll only have yourself to blame when you can't even find a boyfriend let alone a husband! Tut tut tut Samantha.
Now if you go for option no. 3 a la Miranda, be prepared to settle for table scraps - according to Justin Quirk, what stands out most about Steve is not his unconditional love for Miranda or his willingness to put up with her at times 'difficult' and domineering ways but that he is a 'not good looking semi-literate barman'. Take note those of you who have looked for substance over style in a partner.
Whatever you do, do not and I repeat do not accumulate shoes, no matter how beautiful you find them and how they make you feel and how much disposable income you have, because if you do, you'll simply be expressing everything that is 'shallow and materialistic about modern womanhood'.

I confess that I wasn't under any illusions about men being thoroughly different from us but I think having lived with one for a number of years, I came to believe that there can be common ground even if the fundamentals differ. Yet after reading these four accounts, I can't help but conclude that when given the opporunity to truly express themselves without fear of reproach, men confirm that they inhabit a planet that is light years away from our's. If we consider that these men are supposedly the intelligent, well-read and presumably 'exposed' minority and yet they spout such sexist tosh where everything we do is in relation to their world and their being, then what hope is there for the not so smart ones.
Samantha cannot simply have a high female libido, nor can Miranda genuinely love her family and her career because the two must cancel each other out. I can honestly say that pieces like this give me a whole new level of a lack of respect for men. It's unfortunate that we live together, work with each other and yet so many of them still find it hard to see us as equals. The usual misogynistic stereotypes still pervade where women are only defined by their ability to bag a husband. Likewise when they do choose a career, it has to be all of nothing, they cant be mothers, wives and career women too.
Note to the opposite sex - yes we do like shoes ....so what? - you like football, we like shoes, atleast they make us look and feel sexy.
If these men are a representation of what the majority of men think, then I'm glad that most of my friends are female and I cant wait to hit the town with them for our Sex and the City 2 night out so we can raise a glass to four fabulous ladies who remind us quite a bit of ourselves.

Mr Cameron, you are no Barack Obama

The Sun newspaper defaced Barack Obama's Hope poster in today's edition by replacing the man whose campaign and image reflected the true meaning of the word with the image of the far from inspiring toffee-nosed Mr Cameron. Their melodramatic headline went 'Cameron is our only hope :http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/election2010/article2961073.ece
The very idea of me having to pin my hopes on the constantly airbrushed, disingenious David Cameron is enough to make me pack my bags and return to Africa sharpish.
The sad thing is that because British journalists are so lacking in imagination, they get on a bandwagon and hold on to it for dear life, regardless of whether it smacks of contradictions or not. Mr Cameron could not be more different from Barack Obama in style, politics and vision if he tried.
Aside from there having two very polarized upbringings, David Cameron was born into a privileged English family, went to private schools all his life including a preparatory school attended by the Princes of Wales and York and the prestigious Eton. All this was rounded off nicely by a noble degree at none other than Oxford University.
Barack Obama on the other hand was born to a Kenyan father and American mother who divorced when he was very young, had a very modest childhood, attending local schools in Indonesia and finally moving back to the US to live with his grandparents, hard working Americans who were by no means wealthy.

Fast forward to their political and ideological ideas and I still fail to see the likeness, Mr Cameron is the leader of Conservative party which by definition has always favoured the 'haves' at the expense of the 'have nots'. They believe that, like the Republicans in the USA that everyone should do for themselves, this is partly reflected in their policies to fix what they refer to as 'broken britain' including rewarding married couples because we should aspire to marriage and those who are irresponsible enough to find themselves as single parents should just go and hide in shame. Likewise they would like to encourage people to create their own schools when the state ones are failing. This is all very well for the highly educated overzealous mummies who move about in their 4x4s and are fortunate enough to not have to work. The majority of us who rely on the government providing good schools for our kids will end up being left out in the cold. Although the Tory party (as the Conservatives are also known) now claim the NHS as the best thing to happen to Britain, something they wish to protect, once upon a time would have quite happily cut spending on the service that affords the majority of Britons free healthcare.
The democrats and President Barack Obama on the other hand believe that government has a responsibility to ensure fairness for all. Obama has, against all odds been able to push through a healthcare bill which will ensure that all Americans regardless of their financial means have access to affordable healthcare.

The Conservative party and Mr Cameron's approach towards everyone taking responsibility wouldn't be so objectionable if we all started on an equal footing. Instead we have a world where there is no level playing field and yet you expect me to pull myself up when you've been given a significant head start and advantage? It would be like telling women to stop moaning and work hard so they can become CEOs and Directors of companies and earn the same salaries as men; all good and well, if you would be so kind as to take away the social and professional advantages afforded to these men.
The Times newspaper had a front page photo of the Camerons in what I would call a cringe-worthy pose - SamCam (as Mrs Samantha Cameron is fondly referred to) stretched out lovingly on her husband's lap. http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/blog/2010/may/04/david-samantha-cameron-caption-competition I didn't have to go through my old copies of Newsweek and Time magazines which covered the US election campaign to recall the likeness of many of the photos we saw of the Obamas on the road, campaigning from one US State to another. The difference was that unlike this extremely staged pose, theirs seemed very real and did not scream PR stunt to the discerning public. Perhaps it's the Brit mentality but I cant help but be cynical by Mr Cameron and his heavily airbrushed images and massively staged photo ops. I would perhaps find it all a bit forgiving if it were original but for either the media or Mr Cameron himself to try and position him as Britain's answer to Barack Obama is insulting for those who know what the two leaders and their parties stand for.
Gordon Brown may be awkward and not a people's person, wrinkles, gaffes and all but atleast he is who is he is, warts and all. I would much rather have a leader who  is dull and real than one who is so bent on selling us the perfect image, that he deliberately misleads the public into thinking that he is something that he is not. The people's leader you are not and will never be Mr Cameron, win or lose this election so rather than spending mounds of cash which I appreciate you and your wealthy party can more than afford, you should focus on the substance. Have the balls to say what you stand for and to reflect this in everything you put out to the public. That way atleast those who do end up voting for you will be fully aware of what they are letting themselves in for.
And please do us all a favour and jump off the hope bandwagon!