A better society requires universal condemnation of certain acts

Sometimes life requires a balanced approach, these are the times when it helps to look at the situation from several perspectives. In an argument for instance, people always feel that they are the party that's been wronged but if we all carry that conviction then it can't possibly be true for all of us, I've come to accept the saying that 'there are three sides to every story, your's, mine and the truth'. It leads to a more even approach to arguments between couples, siblings and friends.

As I watched an interview with Ingrid Betancourt recently I was reminded that there are certain absolutes in this world that should not require an analysis of one's perspective or even an attempt to understand where the person who carried out the act is coming from. In the interview, Betancourt refers to criticism that she faced while she was abducted, there were questions as to what she was doing in the particular place, whether her actions had played some part in FARC (the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Columbia) kidnapping her. She felt that there are certain times when the victims are criminalised and that we should not be questioning their motives but condemning the actions of the perpetrators. I agree wholeheartedly and I find it unsettling when society in a roundabout way suggests that victims play a part for the crime committed against them because of their actions or recklessness.
If we do not start on the premise of certain absolutes, we run the risk of living in a society where people do not have to take responsibility for their actions. The absolutes I refer to include outright condemnation or refusal of certain behaviour - Rape, domestic violence, violence against civilians among others. If we don't say with absolute conviction that there are never circumnstances in which a victim plays a role in these acts being committed then we risk sending mixed messages to would-be perpetrators. Oftentimes in cases of domestic violence, the victim is told by the perpetrator that they are to blame ....'Now look what you made me do.' As chilling as it sounds, there are many times when we hear that rape victims are partly to blame because of 'what she was wearing' or 'where he was at the time of the rape'. In doing so, we're telling rapists or domestic abusers that if certain circumstances arise, they are justified in behaving like animals. In such cases, we ignore that human restraint is one of the qualities that makes us unique; the fact that we can walk away from any situation, that we can use our intelligence to remove ourselves from a situation that may cause us to act in a dangerous way.
While I'm not suggesting that domestic abusers should be 'hanged', I do think that rehabilitation must begin with an acceptance that this particular behaviour is unacceptable under any circumstance. Even when reconciliation is possible, it should start with a mutual understanding that the act of physical abuse has no justification. It's fair to talk about why tempers flair and why couples are unable to communicate but in a completely different context to the abuse otherwise we risk excusing the behaviour by rationalizing it.
The only rationale should be that violence is unacceptable, that rape is unacceptable regardless!
I'm not suggesting that this is some kind of legal approach, thought I sometimes wish it were because within the Courts there are certain types of defence for all crimes regardless of their severity. I think it should be an ethical approach that we accept as a society without any qualifications. This is not to say that rehabilitation is not possible, a person who is domestically abusive may not necessarily be a monster although I'm less convinced of the rapist, but in order for them to 'move on' and ensure that the situation does not occur again they have to take full responsibility for their actions. This is not helped by the reports of women who drive their men to distraction as was the case of some reports on the popstar Rihanna after it emerged that her boyfriend Chris Brown had physically abused her. Likewise in the case of women who wear revealing clothes or comport themselves in an overtly sexual way, we're often told that this is an invitation to rape. This is not to say that verbal abuse or sexually provocative behaviour should not be addressed, but in order for us to all be clear that the message is that rape and domestic violence are unacceptable, these should be dealt with in a separate context. By all means counsel young girls about being safe when they're out and about the amount of alcohol they consume but do not attempt to link or analyse that behaviour when addressing the man who stands accused of rape. Likewise, suggest couples' therapy to the husband and wife who are having communication problems but do not include the incident of her hitting him in that discussion.
Violence whether sexual or physical are issues that require no debate in my opinion, there are no two sides to the story, they are wrong - period!

An open letter to corrupt African Leaders

Dear Sirs,

As a citizen of the most beautiful continent in the world, the second largest and second most populous, I am writing to tell you that I have had enough, we Africans have had enough of your corruption. We are sick and tired of you waging wars against us for your own personal gains, enough of you abusing our basic human rights to freedom of speech, expression, association not to mention our social and economic rights. You deny us access to things that citizens of every other continent take for granted: food, water, electricity, education.

There are one billion of us and only a handful of you, yet you succeed in waging war against us. The majority of us are hard working and have never seen or picked up a weapon in our lives yet you somehow manage to equip militias, drug-infused crazed men who then abduct our children, rape our women and decimate our villages. You play with our lives as though we were merely pawns on a chessboard siding with countries who you feel will further your personal and political interest at the expense of our country's wealth.

We are frightened of our own security forces; our police are so poorly paid that they make a living extorting the little money we earn from us. We are not safe as we drive our own streets, as our children play in their own backyards unaware of who may have received a bribe in exchange for our liberty. When your military harm us, there is no redress, no criminal case or civil one for that matter, we lose a life and the trigger-happy soldier moves on with his life, with impunity.

You are so quick to condemn your peers, leaders in other countries who you have been warned by Western powers to be vocal against, yet are you any different....really? You accept a democratic process, yet when we as a people exercise our political franchise, you ignore our choice if it means you will have to cede power. You subvert legitimate governments, making coup d'etat a phrase that is far too familiar to many African children. Even when we plead with you, when the outside world pleads with you, you refuse to see reason. You are prepared to kill us when we exercise our right to protest peacefully, our young men lose their lives for merely chanting slogans or carrying placards so we stay at home instead and pray for peace even if it means that you will stay in power for 30 years. We are willing to trade democracy for peace because we've seen the devastation that war causes, but surely even you can see that this is too high a price to pay?

Oh and please don't tell me about the White man, I am tired of hearing about the White man meaning Western powers. You revert to arguments of race as though this will resolve all our problems yet even when we take the White man out of the equation you manage to collude with others who seek to oppress us. Rather than trading our children for weapons to the White man, you trade our minerals to the Chinese for billions of dollars which you then handover to the Swiss for 'safekeeping'. The real oppressor is you, not the outside party, because let's face it, they don't owe us anything - why should we expect altruism from a complete stranger?
You on the other hand promised us development when you were campaigning, instead you developed your personal wealth - buying houses all over the world, contributing to other economies at our expense. You try to create your own personal dynasty, appointing your brother or son when you feel that power may be slipping from your hands as though no one else were fit to govern our country. We have a saying in krio  'If ose nor sell yu, trit nor go buy yu' - loosely translated this means that if those closest to you (in your home) do not betray you, then strangers (in the street) wont be able to do so. It all starts with you our dear leaders.

I am tired.....we are tired and we don't know how long this cycle of wars, corruption, human rights abuse, rigged elections will continue to plague our continent. We would love to bring our children up in this breath-taking continent of our's but we realise that there is a personal risk which given the choice, so many of us are not willing to take. We've seen friends and family lose their livelihoods in a second because of a change of leader or another coup d'etat or another war against the unarmed and innocent. We want change but we do not want to keep on losing our lives especially if that change will not be guaranteed at the end of the bloodshed.

So many of us believe in a higher power and sometimes this is where we find solace - we reason that things will have to change one day! We hope and pray for good leaders surrounded by good politicians with the political will to unite with other African leaders and promote our interests as a continent. Unless and until there are more inspirational African leaders than corrupt ones, our continent will continue to be plagued by the same issues. Unless our neighbours are at peace, there will always be a risk for us. Until your peers accept the will of their people to choose their government, there will always be the chance that when your turn comes you will be no different.

A wise man once said "The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively". That wise man was called Robert Nesta Marley.
So I ask you African leaders, when will you start affecting those around you positively?