A dinner party with five incredible women

If I could pick five incredible women to have dinner with on any given night, I can say with certainty that I would be spoilt for choice. I consider myself fortunate enough to be able to call some amazing women, mum, aunts, cousins and friends. If asked however to pick five famous women with whom I would sit around a huge dinner table drinking wine and home-made ginger beer or bissap and eating good food - I can easily think of five such women whose company I would love to share. The idea of being in one place with them and sharing ideas, experiences with hopefully lots and lots of laughter - I hope we'd be reluctant to part company because there would be so much to say.

My "famous five" - are women who based on what they say and do, I find myself thinking I would love to get to know them them, not the fame and fortune but because of what they stand for and the fact that the values they hold seem so familiar to me. These women leave me with a sense of affinity - despite the fact that I do not know them - they appear to embody the values that I see in my girlfriends and the female members of my family. They give me a sense that were we ever to find ourselves at the same dinner table, we would never run out of things to say to each other.

A few weeks ago I attended an talk at Long Island University with Edwidge Danticat - Haitian-American writer of both fiction and non-fiction. I have admired Edwidge ever since I read her novel "Breath, Eyes, Memory". My admiration comes not only from the fact that I believe her to be one of the few truly talented storytellers in modern times - whenever I read her work, from Krik Krak to the Dew Breaker, to Brother I'm dying, I get the sense that the words just flow from her...like a natural gift; but also because she is more than just a writer, she is an activist, an advocate for human rights - a principled truth-teller.
There is something effortless about the way she tells her stories - often times when you read the works of accomplished writers, you get the sense that a great deal of research went into it - it can almost seem like a scientific exercise - where words are carefully chosen and imagery is meticulously juxtaposed with events to create a final product that is worthy of literary awards. With Edwidge, she writes as though she is your Haitian friend taking you on a journey to her beautiful country. She wants to introduce you to her people in all their glory. She wants to tell you of their resilience in spite of all the odds, in spite of natural disasters and foreign interference and corrupt governments. She is also your activist friend, refusing to turn a blind eye simply because it's politically safe to do so. In her latest novel, Claire of the Sea Light, Edwidge invites us to a small fishing town in Haiti - she introduces us to the lives of the people who live there - rich and poor, young and old; she invites us to see their lives, their experiences, their trials and tribulations and witness the choices they make - from their perspective. When I met Edwidge, I could not pass up on the chance to ask her a question - I wanted to know what the future held for Haitian literature - were new writers coming up who would continue the work she and many others like Dany Leferriere had begun. She responded enthusiastically, listing some of the incredible writers that have emerged both from Haiti and the Haitian diaspora. Afterwards as she signed my book...a book she wrote ....called "Creating dangerously", we talked about the similarities between oral traditions of storytelling in Haiti and Sierra Leone. I told her that where in Haiti, they use the call and answer "Krik" followed by "Krak" for storytelling, we use "Il" followed by "Ow" in Sierra Leone. I left the event feeling proud to have gotten to know Edwidge a little better....the mother, the writer, the activist became that little bit more familiar to me and a lot more affable.

I started listening to my second famous dinner guest, Ms. Emeli Sande in the summer of 2012 - I was travelling alone and often found myself wondering alone discovering a city in Germany. Emeli's album "Our version of the events" was my playlist on repeat. I can't put my fingers on what it is about Emeli that makes me think of her differently to many other talented artists. It goes without saying that her lyrics move me. I can listen to 'Suitcase' a thousand times, but I'm always left with the same sense of nostalgia - I can't put my finger on why she makes me think of lost moments and lost loves and perhaps a simpler era - which may or may not be in my mind only. I saw her perform suitcase in Central Park last summer and remember feeling overcome by a sense of sadness- as I listened to her sing, it feels like she is telling a story that I am familiar with or as though she's put into words all the heartache that accompanied discovering love and loss and learning to love again and again. There's also a simplicity about Emeli, the person that I love - she is all about her music - and in this fickle world that we live in today, that is a rare thing. I love that she is smart - intelligent- objectively speaking - not simply because she studied medicine (in the hopes of one day becoming a neurologist - admitting that she wanted to find out why we act the way we do) - but also because when she talks and sings and performs, you can tell that she's both engaged and engaging. She is no product of a record label's PR machinery. If you follow her on twitter (@emelisande), you'll see less of what she's wearing or how sexy she looks and more of what she's thinking or doing. Her understatedness means that what you think most about, is her music - her ability to write incredible music and play the piano beautifully . I was so moved when I saw her perform that I promised myself that I would one day pay more just to see her - the concert in the park was only $30  - part of the Summer Stage series. I found her music so inspiring that I wanted to make sure I could one day pay a fair price for benefitting from her incredible talent. Emeli is so grounded - she often talks in interviews about her English mum and Zambian father who is a school teacher - and she seems to credit them with the woman she has become today. During her performance, when she introduced "My kind of love", she mentioned that the song was inspired by cancer patients that she saw while she was studying and the strength of the love she witnessed from their families who continued to visit and show their unwavering love and support in spite of their individual situations. In relation to that particular song, Emeli's been quoted as saying that she wanted to speak of a love, other than the romantic type of love adding "It would be sad if we lost our instinct and our courage to love and protect."

I would love to share a glass with Emeli - even if that glass is full of her favourite raw juice because in my mind she embodies my kind of values - her down-to-earthedness, her strength, her principles and her inner beauty which shines through her character and her music time and time again.

My third dinner guest would be Ava Duvernay, the director of "Middle of Nowhere" . As well as loving Ava's beautiful smile and gloriously enviable locs, I love the fact that she makes films that I want to go and see. Ava defied the odds and went from being a publicist to becoming a director. Her first feature film was I will follow. She is intelligent and humble and seems to feel a sense of responsibility for making films that people like me want to watch. She runs a distribution company called African-American Film Festival Releasing Movement, that is dedicated to discovering and promoting films by black directors. The company has released five films in the past four years. When I saw the Middle of Nowhere which won her best director at the Sundance Film festival in 2012 (the first black woman to win this coveted prize), I remember thinking what a simple yet beautifully shot film. Having read a number of her interviews, my respect for her has grown even more since I sat in the Magic Johnson cinema in Harlem alone watching and being in awe of Ava. When asked about how she describes herself, she doesn't shy away from the label of a black film maker, instead she describes herself as a black woman film maker and says unapologetically that she has no qualms about this label because that is the lens through which she creates her art. The middle of nowhere explores the point at which we start to lose ourselves in a relationship, Ava describes this as common with women in romantic relationships where we seem to 'give up so much of ourselves'. I love that Ava is telling stories that I can relate to and that she is not afraid to defend her art and to speak candidly about what motivates her to tell one story or another. I loved that she was honoured by Essence recently at the Black Women in Hollywood event where she gave a beautiful speech saying that the story of black people "deserve to be told. Not as sociology, not as spectacle, not as a singular event that happens every so often, but regularly and purposefully as truth and as art on an ongoing basis, as do the stories of all the women [we] love.”  For me in those simple words - she captures the challenge we face as black people - in having our stories told, in all their diverse glory  and in a human relatable way. I'm often struck by how the humanitarian world, the media and countless others treat the stories of black people - we become specimens, being observed - there's an eagerness to conclude that one pattern or the other exists - to make deductions without delving very deeply. I love that Ava's words seem to reflect her actions and I love that she recognises the importance of a strong female support network- at the end of her speech at the Essence event, she noted "where there is a woman there is magic, and she can share or not share her powers." I can't wait to see her next film which is a biopic on Martin Luther King or share that moment at my dinner table with her - a girl can dream right?

In speaking about our stories, I was recently fortunate enough to be able to meet a writer who has spoken extensively about the danger of the single story. A writer whose work I love and whom I admire. A friend, who knows that Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, happens to be my ultimate girl crush, wrote to me to say that she had met her in Amsterdam. I was green with envy but over the moon that she and I were now a degree of separation closer. Perhaps I subconsciously asked God to allow me to meet her too because less than a day after I learnt she had given a talk in Amsterdam, another friend told me about a similar event, a talk, here in New York that was being organised by the Aspen Institute. The format would be someone from the Aspen Institute putting questions to her and Chimamanda responding....off the cuff ofcourse . I not only rsvp'd as soon as I heard about the event, I arrived 30 minutes early - no mean feat for a lastminute.com'er like me; I was so excited to see her and already knew the question I would ask her when given the chance. The 'conversation' lasted for just over an hour - the moderator, a dancer and director, white and male was surprisingly able to balance his questions - touching on her writing, politics, and ofcourse her stunning hair (at that time it was in cornrows gathered in a front chignon). Chimamanda was candid, yet charismatic, gracious and hilarious. As she spoke I kept thinking of how much she sounded like my girlfriends - she would do an exaggerated American accent when mocking the fact that there was a time when she chose to speak that way or would over-emphasise the Naija (Nigerian) accent in order to make a point, usually a funny one. She talked about her piece on the anti-homosexuality law in Nigeria and why she disagreed with those who opposed the law simply because they claimed, it was a distraction from larger more important matters - she argued instead that  for her it was a call to action because the it denied the fundamental human rights of a entire group of citizens simply because of who they loved. I asked her whether this law and the pattern that seemed to be emerging in many African countries of persecuting vulnerable groups - be they homosexual or women (I mentioned Uganda's anti-pornography law which allowed men to harass women for dressing in a so-called provocative manner) made her feel ambivalent in any way about living ' back home' in Nigeria. I loved her answer which was that while she could relate to this sense of ambivalence which she knew many Africans in the Diaspora felt, leaving Nigeria simply was not an option for her - she added that as nationals of a country we need to engage - collectively. At the same time she joked about owning a house in Nigeria that she had paid for and that therefore she refused to leave - she joked "Do you know how much I paid for that house?". Again the Naija accent was over-emphasised and her words far from being a way of bragging were instead a candid way of admitting that this was a "No turning back situation". Chimamanda comes across as humble and honest - she confessed to wasting hours on the internet following Lupita Nyong'o's every fashion move. The audience - mostly black women, African, Caribbean and African-American laughed knowing full well that we too shared her guilty pleasure. Chimamanda, should you ever read this piece, I'm extending an invitation to you as my fourth guest for what promises to be a very engaging dinner party.

Last but my no means least, I am proudly joining the Lupita Nyong'o bandwagon. When I found out some weeks ago that she lives in Brooklyn, I started daydreaming of one day bumping into her at Madiba's in Fort Greene or at BAM in downtown Brooklyn or Buttermilk Channel in Carroll Gardens. I have perhaps spent longer than is socially acceptable wondering where in Brooklyn,
Ms. Nyong'o could possibly reside. I never thought of myself as the stalky type but having created a Pinterest board with no less than 110 photos of Lupita, I think I may have to reassess my thinking. In my defence though although Lupita is the flavour of the moment for many people - from those residing in superficial Hollywood, to members of the fickle media, or opportunistic Politicians who are ready to capitalise on her success, some of us are wowed by her not only because of her Oscar winning performance and not only because of the fact that she is a joy to behold in the various couture gowns designers seem to be throwing at her. It's not even simply because every time she gives an interview or delivers a speech, her intelligence and humility shine through so much that you cannot help but root for her. For me it's the fact that even before Hollywood, this beautiful woman made choices that set her apart. She directed an incredible film giving a voice to a group that has for too long been invisible in many countries in Africa. Her documentary
"In my Genes" follows eight albino Kenyans and examines the way society views them - how they are marginalized and treated as non-citizens. But beyond depicting them as victims, Lupita documents how they overcome their challenges and her film celebrates the triumphs they experience each day, however small. It is a powerful documentary and as young as she is, (she was even younger - 26 - when the documentary was released), she seems to have a wisdom that is uncommon even in those older than her, and very rare among people in the entertainment industry.
I was also fortunate enough to watch Lupita in Shuga, an MTV produced HIV-Aids awareness web series aired in Kenya in 2009 which was hugely popular. Lupita played an ambitious and confident student in the series who lost sight of what was truly important to her in her pursuit of a career. She was as impressive in the season one of the series and although she only appeared briefly in season two, the series (still available on YouTube) was so popular that it gave rise to a Nigerian spin off. Every time I see or hear Lupita, I want to clap or pump my fists in the air - she is a serious breath of fresh air.....just what we needed in an entertainment world that seems to prostitute itself for fame and fortune on daily basis. In Lupita's speech at the Essence Black Women in Hollywood event in which she too was honoured alongside my girl, Ava (*chuckle*), she talked about her mother's message to her that "You can't eat beauty...it doesn't sustain you". It reminds me of a similar message from my mum and aunt who tried to remind me and my cousins each day that what mattered was education, hard work and perseverance. Girls who relied on their beauty did so because they had nothing else to offer - but smart girls like us would put our abilities above everything else. If anything we were encouraged to play down that beauty - at least in the school context - the pretty girl antics could come out for the odd party or social event - but then it would be tucked away again when the week started and our futures were at stake. I admire so much about Lupita - I am fully aware that she comes from a privileged family but there are so many like her who have not demonstrated her level of understanding, humility and compassion. She is a joy to behold in every sense of the word and if I am fortunate enough to one day bump into her somewhere in Brooklyn, I hope she'll accept my invitation to share a bottle of wine or two with me and four other equally inspirational phenomenal women.

Open letter from a feminist to Beyonce

Dear Mrs Carter,

I feel compelled as a feminist and a huge fan of Ms. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie to write to you. I write partly in protest of the powerful western media machine's decision to make you the poster child for modern day feminism but also because I think you could benefit from understanding what feminism really means and why, while many of us admire what we see as your aspiration to feminism, would beg to differ from those who claim you already are a feminist. Let me make it clear from the outset, I don't see feminism as an exclusive club of an educated minority but I do think it requires a certain sense of responsibility and actions that reflect values that go beyond coining the phrase 'girl power' or telling men that they should 'put a ring on it'. It goes beyond the celebrity gimmicks that seem to surface periodically and while the definition offered by Chimamanda  - "a person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes" seems straightforward enough - I would argue that feminism is in fact far from straightforward. Let me explain....

First of all, I have to confess that I was irritated by your decision to sample Chimamanda's Ted talk "We should all be feminists" - I found it frivolous in the context of 'that song' and while I realise that by sampling her, you've exposed her to a much wider audience than her usual fan base of bookworms and African literature buffs, I can't help but wish she had politely declined your request - assuming of course that she received one. You describe the song "Flawless/Bow down bitches" as your "angry moment" inspired by those who have tried to undermine you. Yet by sampling Chimamanda, who I might add refused to comment on the song when pressed in a recent interview, I think you undermine her message - and associate her otherwise powerful words with trifling accounts of 'bitches' and 'tricks' who dreamt of being in your world. I find it ironic that the same song minus the "we should all be feminists" sound bites was released months earlier and was greeted by a barrage of negative reviews - largely because of your use of the B word. Even if as you claim, it's a song that allows you to vent about all the haters in your life, I still find it troubling that you would consider all those 'haters' to be women - and that you would choose to respond to those 'haters' boasting about your flawless diamond and good looks? Really Bey? Is that the best you can give us - your
one-upmanship is reduced to your looks and wealth? It saddens me also as a feminist that your angry energy wasn't used to denounce the men you've had in your life who wanted to use you, parade you like an object and take away any agency you had to determine your life or future? Surely a song like that would have been worthy of Chimamanda's words and would demonstrate real female empowerment, especially in an industry like yours where all too often women are reduced to singing or dancing sexual objects .

Call me old fashioned or another jealous 'hater' but it saddens me that our society places so much value on all things celebrity, we consume without critiquing. Rather than point out the obvious that it is hypocritical for you to talk about the importance of empowering women in a social, economic, and political way on the one hand (granted through Chimamanda's words)  and on the other hand using the words bitch and trick - words that have been used, in particular by rap artists (like your husband) to denigrate and reduce women to promiscuous, money-grabbing sexual objects not worthy of any respect, we turn a blind eye because it's a Beyonce masterpiece. Being rich and ridiculously famous seems to make you immune to criticism and prone to an obscene amount of sycophancy. Take for instance the release of your music/video album in December last year - described by the media and your fans with so much fervour, a visitor to our planet would have been forgiven for thinking that within those songs and videos was the cure for cancer, or the formula to end world poverty. I remember thinking that the world had gone mad and *smdh* every time I read serious journalists wax lyrical about what a coup it was. How revolutionary you were. I was perplexed when people described the event as though Tupac Shakur had released a new album without anyone being aware that a) he had come back from the dead and b) was making beautiful music with another member of the living dead, Notorious B.I.G.

In addition to our blind consumption of everything you do, there is the tendency to give artists like you, the very famous ones, far more intellectual credit than they deserve, I say this with all due respect ofcourse. This is evidenced in the whole debate about you being a feminist - a new breed of feminist because you sampled Chimamanda and because this album demonstrates your sexual liberation - irrefutable proof that you are a feminist.  You couldn't possibly be another Miley Cyrus or Rihanna, selling an over-sexualised image as a desperate plea for attention, or a Lil' Kim pulling all the stops in an effort to keep up with younger artists. At your level of fame - it has to be interpreted as far deeper - according to one (albeit stupid) journalist you embody modern feminism. And while you haven't explicitly claimed the title of feminist icon, you seem nonetheless to somewhat ascribe to it. How else can we explain your gender equality essay in the Shriver Report - the term essay of course is used very loosely here - as it was less analysis and more stating the obvious in 200 words or less. Nothing you said in that short piece could be described as groundbreaking, yet once again the reaction was feverishly congratulatory - someone (another idiot) described you as the women's studies professor we always wish we had. Others referred to you as a Renaissance woman - and your "essay" as "badass" - you are, we're told "the freshest face of feminism". And you know what Mrs Carter, reading all this made me feel like the little boy in "The Emperor's new clothes". I watch on as everyone from renowned feminists to intelligent social critics refuse to point out the obvious .....that your brand of feminism is devoid of any substance - that it is, like the foolish emperor, completely naked. Essence magazine referred to  your "unconventional  brand of feminism" while a Huff Post live group chat with female academics, journalists and social activists said you had sparked a debate about black feminism with your album. "Really?" I thought, and found myself wondering if I was the one missing the point. 

So in addition to reading your 'essay', reviewing the lyrics of "Flawless/Bow down bitches", I  decided to go to the source and bought your self-titled album for myself - complete with its 17 videos -the first time I have ever purchased your music. And here Mrs Carter is where I fell further into the depths of despair albeit while bobbing my head to a few dope beats like your collaboration with Nas (more so for the beats than the lyrics) and the corny but very catchy "XO"(granted I wont be doing the hand signs). It goes without saying you've enlisted some great songwriters and music makers - there are a number of songs that will no doubt become hits and for the most part they demonstrate a lot more depth than your previous work although let's be fair it doesn't take a lot to go deeper than "your love's got me looking so crazy right now" or "ladies if you love your man show him you the fliest...grind up on it girl, show him how you ride it" or from the abysmal Cater to you, "my life would be purposeless without you". One of the first things that struck me as I listened/watched is that while you seem to want to denounce the shallowness of our world, and obsession with outwardly beauty - as demonstrated in a song like "Pretty Hurts" - there appears to be some confusion or mixed message as you nonetheless play up to that very stereotype by showcasing your body  in every single one of your videos. There's not a single video that doesn't treat us to Beyonce's bootyliciousnes (to borrow your term). In some we even get more flesh than we've ever seen before -those lucky lucky male and lesbian fans must be doing cartwheels with all the nakedness that's on offer on this visual album - for instance in the disco-ey tune "Blow" produced by Pharell, we get to see how you work your 'fatty' presumably during coitus. Lucky Jay!

And while I think it's great that you're so much at ease with your sexuality as to want to regale us with talk of your sexiness, your sexual exploits and prowess, I'm still not getting the feminism in your words Bey. In every song that deals with sex (and a lot of them do) the recurring theme seems to be pleasing your man. You're either letting him be the boss of you (Blow) or giving him everything he wants (No Angel) or even better going down on him to the point where he "Monica Lewinski's" all over your gown (Partition). I can't help but tut and wonder where the evidence of sexual empowerment lies in those lyrics. It's clear that you've always given a great deal of credit to your husband for making you the woman you are today and while I don't think that in and of itself takes away your feminist credentials (if indeed you have any), I do think that it's important to demonstrate that you really are more than just Mrs. Carter - more than 'his little wife' as you say. For instance during your Grammy Award performance last month, we saw a half naked Beyonce and a fully clothed Jay Z. I found it hard to spot the difference between that performance and the countless hip hop videos with naked women parading and shaking that "ass" while fully-clothed men act either aggressive, or like pimps who are displaying their 'goods' or completely disinterested - think Kanye West's "Bound" video with his butt naked fiancée. What would have been a feminist coup was if Jay Z appeared on stage in a string with his butt cheeks also on display for millions to gawk at. That I would have paid good money to see. Instead we saw a Beyonce that was gyrating on a chair while Jay remained composed and then it got worse as Mrs Carter sang along to Mr Carter's controversial rap lyrics that evoke one of the most chilling accounts of domestic abuse on film. I could not help but wonder how much of that was you, and how much was you wanting to please your man regardless of how affronted women and men who abhor domestic violence were by those lyrics.

But let's get back to the S word....even if we want to argue that the ease with which you speak about sex - in all it's explicit glory demonstrates your maturity - your feminist chops because you're exploring your sexuality - I would counter that by saying that your lyrics demonstrate that you still see your body as a tool to please a man - even if that man is your husband. Sexual awareness in the context of feminism is about liberation - a freedom to be at ease with your body in whatever shape or form it is, and a freedom to recognize that you too are a part of the act of sex and should be pleased. It's not simply about exploring new ways to please your man and playing up to the inexperienced female stereotype (even though I'm all for role-playing); it should instead be about commanding that pleasure-giving be reciprocal. And simply throwing in a few lines from a Hollywood film that deals with the perceived ambiguity between feminism and the act of sex ("Est-ce que tu aimes le sexe? Le sexe. Je veux dire, l’activité physique. Le coït. Tu aimes ça? Tu ne t’interesses pas au sexe? Les hommes pensent que les féministes détestent le sexe, mais c’est une activité très stimulante et naturelle que les femmes adorent."- translated as " Do you like sex? Sex. I mean, the physical activity. Coitus. Do you like it? You're not interested in sex? Men think that feminists hate sex, But it's a very stimulating and natural activity that women love.) in a song that also talks about wanting to be the kind of girl that "daddy" likes does not render the song nor you any more feminist. 

While I agree that sexual empowerment is a strong part of feminism- neither your album nor your Grammy performance demonstrate that Mrs Carter. But beyond my objection to your so-called sexual empowerment, I also think you fail to realise that the values we teach as feminists require us to demonstrate to our girls that what matters is not, their outer beauty but rather the same things their male counterparts are judged by - their intelligence, and mental or physical ability. Like so many female artists you do a disservice to feminism by only playing up your sex appeal. While there is nothing wrong with celebrating your beauty and sexiness - both qualities I think are undisputed - it seems all we've been treated to in the 15 odd years of your career, is bootylicious Beyonce and her 'jelly'. Why not switch it up a little and show us a fully clothed, non-gyrating Beyonce whose powerful voice is enough to get our attention? Why not post pictures on Instagram of you fully clothed and reading a book by...oh I don't know...let's say Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (your favourite author according to Elle magazine)? 

Your images are so over-sexualised that I found myself mouth wide open and in shock when President Obama  referred to you as a role model for his daughters, one of whom wasn't even a teenager at the time. I'm not suggesting for one minute that young girls should be your audience - in an ideal world they wouldn't be - your sexually explicit album would be the soundtrack to foreplay for grown, consenting adults - an audio and visual pornography if you will. Sadly though, your reach goes way beyond consenting adults especially because of the wide endorsement you get from everyone including the most powerful man in the world. I think this makes it all the more unfortunate that young girls are not given a variety of images from such a talented artist as yourself. It's unfortunate that the message you put out (perhaps inadvertently) is that even with a powerful voice - your breasts, your butt, your ability to turn a man on, matter equally, if not more. And because the image we receive of women in the entertainment industry as sexual objects is so one-dimensional, it makes the role of those of us who are trying to impart feminist values on young girls even harder.  In order for us to be truly empowered economically, politically and socially, men must be able to see us and we must see ourselves as their equals - which means we play by the rules they do. If they don't have to strip off their clothes for attention, we shouldn't have to. Our girls need to understand that what matters is what they can offer intellectually and while they should feel empowered enough, come a certain age, to engage in sex as they choose, it should never be as some man's 'trick' or 'bitch'. 

Finally...I'd like to say I really enjoyed watching your cleverly put together video "Grown woman" especially towards the end where you borrow some slick Congolese dance moves, but I couldn't help but wonder if you've missed the point of just what it means to be a grown woman. I think there's a lack of self-awareness, which, makes it impossible for you to fully comprehend what being grown and being a feminist means. All the same, I'm  hopeful you'll read Chimamanda's books, and listen to her talks and learn from her - there are many women like her who epitomise beauty, self-assuredness and humility, they have a sense of awareness that the power to influence others comes with great responsibility- all of these incredible qualities are what make her and women like her, true feminists.

I choose Happy!

I have been silent for some months, not because I've not been writing, but because I haven't been finishing. I realise this is an issue for many writers - dare I call myself one - but I also realise in the relatively fast paced world of blogging, you just have to overcome the tendency to want each post to be perfect and commit to finishing and posting.
So this one will be a relatively short and unedited one - rest assured though that it comes straight from the heart. No fact checks necessary, no cross-references, source quotes - just me and my words.

I wanted to start 2014 on a happy note so I resolved to post about turning 40 towards the end of 2013 and deciding that this year will simply be about happiness. I think I'm one of those people who constantly search their soul - much as I hate to admit it, I think it stems from being extremely judgemental of others, and being reminded of a wise friend who once asked me (with good reason) who I thought I was to be judging others so harshly. So I ask the question of myself constantly - who am I to judge? What lessons have I learned in life? What am I 'bringing to the table'?
I recall last year thinking that I wanted to be a "Girl on Fire" - to do more, achieve more, be the best of who I could be. I think I did a pretty good job, I got more involved in charity work than I'd been for a while. I tried to work harder and write more and focus on ticking off the thousand and one things on my to-do list. It was a fast-paced year, to say the least. But now I'm ready to slow down.

I'd like to think that reaching my fourth decade on this earth gave me a little perspective. I realise that life is so much simpler than many of us realise. We have the ultimate power to choose how we want to go about it - and I believe the greatest gift we can give ourselves is to make a choice to be happy. If that sounds a little too simplistic....it's because it is. Whatever life throws at you, as hard as it can be oftentimes, whatever disappointments you face, ultimately you get to decide how you're going to deal with it.

So I choose "Happy". And my happy is less about posting inspirational quotes on my various social network profiles and more about making a concerted effort to just be that....happy! To judge less, expect less and be pleasantly surprised when I receive more....to realise that no matter what life throws at me I have the power to decide how I am going to let it affect me.

I love life! I am grateful for life! I cherish my family and my friends! I love what I do to make a living! Even with all my failings, my mistakes, my perceived disasters..I would not have my life any other way. I am on this earth and alive.....I have decided that I will happy with my choices, with my trials and with my triumphs!! Now excuse me for a few minutes while I get down to my new musical anthem.

A saint that walked among us

There will no doubt be some of the most touching eulogies written about Nelson Mandela in the coming days. It stands to reason because like so few of our time, he lived an exemplary life and stood by his principles till the very end. He wasn't perfect but he was an example of human potential - our potential to be good, to stand by our beliefs and to put the greater good before our own personal needs and wants. 

When the news broke this evening, I was chatting with a group of friends on whatsapp and we were divided on whether we should feel sad or just grateful to have lived in the same time at this incredible man. I felt the latter emotion - gratitude for his long life - for the fact that even after spending 27 years in prison he was blessed with a long and very fulfilling life. He found happiness even after he separated from the woman, who was once considered his 'other half' in every sense of the word. He was able to achieve something that many who struggle for self-determination only dream of - to become the leader of the country whose independence he fought for so tirelessly.

It goes without saying that many of us idolise Nelson Mandela and with good reason. Good, honest people are so hard to come by. To argue that human beings are good at their core, ignores the reality of those who lead our societies  - be they politicians, businessmen, so-called philanthropists or community leaders. So few of them can be considered exemplary - truly exemplary. Even when they claim to be 'in it' for the greater good - I'm thinking of the Bono's and Bill Gates of this world, or the ones who inspire us with their words like Barack Obama or Richard Branson and even those who do or have done so much for their country's advancement like Paul Kagame or Jerry Rawlings, they are so deeply flawed that we end up feeling ambiguous about looking up to them or commending them for their achievements. That they are our only choice - our modern day heroes if you will, can leave us feeling quite short-changed.
While Mandela was no doubt a flawed human being, he was a giant among those who hold positions of power. Although I believe that many people in the world are good in every sense of the word, I find it regrettable that true altruism is hard if not impossible to find in leaders, those who have the ability to effect real change.

Madiba was one of a kind, gentle, thoughtful, selfless to a fault. He sacrificed his freedom for his country and continued to serve his people until he was physically unable to do so. He is truly and inspiration for all of us. He gave us more than we can ever expect a single person to give us so rather than mourn his death or start speculating about some man-made impending disaster that will befall his country because of his passing, we should show our gratitude for his life and for the lessons he taught us.
We should be inspired to be the best that we can be, to be good, not just as ordinary citizens but also when we are in positions that can influence society and bring about change. We must remind ourselves each day when we achieve the goals we set out to achieve, of the dreams we had as children, the lofty ambitions we held to one day make a difference. In being principled even when we do not stand to benefit personally, we will ensure that the legacy of this modern day saint lives on. Rest in peace our beautiful Madiba. May we do you proud!

One girl with courage is a revolution*

I saw a screening of the documentary
'Girl Rising' this evening. I've been meaning to catch screening for months now, but unlike a regular movie which would show in theatres for a set period of time, a screening of Girl Rising requires active participation. Anyone can decide to organise a screening - you can either 'crowd source' by requesting a screening in a theatre near you and letting friends know. If there are enough people - the screening will go ahead. So finally I found out about a screening in Brooklyn and decided to go and see it.

Girl Rising is undoubtedly one of the most engaging documentaries I have ever seen. It features a number of girls of varying ages from all over the world. Their stories are told in beautifully poetic accounts by writers from their countries and narrated by mostly famous people some of whose voices you may recognize. Each story is a snippet of the life of a girl in a developing country where education is a luxury and where at times girls face unspeakable hardships. 

The thread that binds the stories together is the narration that speaks of what it means to be a girl in this world. The statistics, some of which you may have heard, speak of the injustices faced by girls in the world today. Statistics that we so often ignore - and sometimes view as an inconvenient truth that, if acknowledged may force us to do more - engage more and most importantly demand more of ourselves and our elected leaders. The website also publishes these statistics (below) - no doubt as an important reminder of the urgency of the situation and the necessity for things to change.

1.  Globally, 66 million girls out of school. (UNESCO) 
2. 80% of all human trafficking victims are girls. (UNFPA) 
3. There are 33 million fewer girls than boys in primary school (Education First)\ 
4.  75% of AIDS cases in sub-Saharan Africa—the region hardest hit by the disease—are women and girls. (UNAIDS) 
5. In a single year, an estimated 150 million girls are victims of sexual violence. (UNIFEM) 
6.  50% of all the sexual assaults in the world are on girls under 15. (UNFPA) 
7. 14 million girls under 18 will be married this year; 38 thousand today; 13 girls in the last 30 seconds. (UNFPA) 
8. The #1 cause of death for girls 15-19 is childbirth. (World Health Organization) 9. Girls with 8 years of education are 4 times less likely to be married as children. (National Academies Press) 
9.  A child born to a literate mother is 50% more likely to survive past the age of 5. (UNESCO) 
10.  Educated mothers are more than twice as likely to send their children to school. (UNICEF) 
11.  School is not free in over 50 countries. (UNESCO) 
12. A girl on planet earth has a 1 in 4 chance of being born into poverty. (The World Bank) 
13. A girl with an extra year of education can earn 20% more as an adult. (The World Bank) 
14. Women operate a majority of small farms and business in the developing world. (Focus on Five) 
15.  If India enrolled 1% more girls in secondary school, their GDP would rise by $5.5 billion. (CIA World Factbook) (Global Campaign for Education and RESULTS Education Fund) 
16.  There are 600 million girls in the developing world. (The World Bank) 

Most of the stories had a uplifting end or at least the promise of a better future. One however, about a girl in Afghanistan who could not even appear in her story as she feared for her life, moved me to tears beyond anything I could have imagined. As I listened to the account of this girl, no doubt ordinary by the standards in her country, learning of how she was rejected by her mother for being born the wrong sex, then forced into child labour, married off at 11 and thrust into child-bearing shortly after, I couldn't help but sob...and sob loudly. I suddenly felt overwhelmed by a strong sense of sadness and sense of resignation I think. The idea of a child of 11 being impregnated and going through the trauma of child birth - her body, having barely reached puberty was more than I could take. It seemed to me to reflect the plight of so many girls and women. Fortunately her story ended up being one of triumph because of her courage and determination. 

There was a large group of girls, probably aged 10-13 in the cinema and although I didn't think it was appropriate for them to witness all the injustices and unspeakable trauma that children their age, around the world face, I did hope that they would go away more informed, and more determined to make a difference.

It goes without saying that I would recommend this film. As a woman brace yourself. As a woman with a daughter, brace yourself even more because it will rip at your heart, but as the title suggests it is a story of change and optimism. The overriding message is that change is possible with courage and support. We can build the momentum of change by spreading the word, supporting the cause in whatever way we can. We owe it to the future of this world to ensure that every girl finds the courage and gains the support to rise way above her adversities to do and most of all to be something great in spite of all the challenges she faces. 
Please visit http://www.girlrising.com

*the documentary's full title is Girl Rising: One Girl with Courage is a Revolution

The summer of 2013

It's been so long since I last blogged and for that I apologise. You know how sometimes even with the best of intentions life has a way of whipping your butt and letting you know who's boss. Over the past few months I've worked hard, travelled, contributed to written publications, and neglected The Hibiscus Notes. So I thought I'd reintroduce myself by giving you my two cents worth on some of summer 2013 events. 

The Trayvon Martin case ranks for me as perhaps the key of those events. The verdict to acquit George Zimmerman left me feeling angry and frustrated. I've heard arguments that the jury reached the only verdict they could based on the facts  but I don't buy that for one minute. While I recognize that there were other factors that contributed to the travesty of a verdict - like the nonsensical and racially-motivated "stand your ground"  law and the prosecution's shoddy job, I still maintain that the jury would have reached a different verdict if Trayvon had been a white teenager and Zimmerman a black grown man. The fact that he pursued Trayvon seemed to play no part in the courtroom whatsoever. Instead we were given a profile of an aggressive delinquent teenager who caused his own death. The stark lesson from the Trayvon Martin case was that the life of an African-American is worth less than the life of a White American. Zimmerman was standing his ground when he shot Trayvon but the teenager was being aggressive and asking to be murdered when he reacted to an armed adult pursuing and antagonizing him.

Then there's Syria - more cause for despair I'm afraid but this time in the sheer powerlessness of the United Nations. We have all stood by and watched both rebels and the Assad government massacre their own people. The Obama administration decided that a red line was crossed when the use of chemical weapons resulted in the deaths of 1400 civilians including women and children. Yet much as we were angry and wanted answers, the thought of yet another US 'shock and awe' campaign filled us with more dread than the prospect of the war continuing. Some might say Obama is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. This is one occasion where I have no idea what the right thing to do would be - to do nothing and sit idly by as the carnage continues? To make a mockery of the suffering of the Syrian people by pretending that a diplomatic solution can still be reached with those who ordered the deaths of their mothers, wives and children? To put NATO boots on the ground and watch as US/UK/French public support wanes? Or to have  a United Nations peacekeeping operation - even though there's no peace to keep and we all know UN peacekeepers are least effective when there's active fighting going on. It's a complex situation and before brandishing our peace symbols or polishing our machine guns we should think long and hard about what a viable solution would be and share those thoughts with those who represent us and are in a position to act. 

On a lighter or perhaps more absurd note, the twittersphere was all in a tizz over Miley Cyrus twerking and degrading black women - allegedly. I'm pleased to say I missed the VMAs but sadly caught the "Miley Show" via the internet when curiousity got the better of me. Two words - not sexy! I could go on but that would be giving Little Ms Cyrus more attention than she deserves and we all know that the child just needs a few stern words and to be sent straight up to  her room without her supper.

On the entertainment front, I was moved by  Lee Daniels' The Butler, and bowled over by Emeli Sande's performance at Central Park. 

Forest Whittaker did an incredible job in the lead role of The Butler reminding us how far African-Americans have come in a lot of respects. The film documents the civil rights movement and the incredible life of Cecil Gaines, a real life butler who worked in the White House for three decades spanning eight presidencies. The film is brilliantly acted, funny at times but mostly enlightening and moving - It made me regain the respect I have for African-Americans who in spite of all their struggles and the odds that have been repeatedly stacked against them, have like Mr Gaines remained dignified and resolute in their goal of bettering their lives and the lives of their children.

And last but by no means least, my girl Emeli Sande rocked the crowd in central park so much last month that we forgot we had been drenched by rain moments before she appeared on stage. It goes without saying that Ms Sande can belt out a tune like the best of them but what makes her incredible in my opinion is that this is at the core of who she is. Emeli Sande sings and sometimes plays an instrument but this is essentially all she does. There are no gimmicks, no wardrobe changes every few minutes, I doubt I can even recsll what she wore, no complex choreography- just a talented singer and her amazing voice. I think I fell in love with live music again - hearing it in its pure form -watching a performer who just wanted us to listen to her words and music and be in awe of that alone. Emeli Sande is one of the most talented down to earth, intelligent musicians of our time. Fortunately for us she has taken back the music from the spoilt brats who spend more time tweeting and fabricating scandals than doing what they're supposedly famous for. Emeli Sande was the breath of fresh air that ended my summer of very mixed emotions and for that I am grateful.

A worthy successor to the late great Chinua Achebe

The loss of Chinua Achebe last month was met with sadness by lovers of literature all over the world but most especially those on the African continent who grew up reading the likes of  Things Fall Apart and Anthills of the Savannah. His was a generation of resistance to colonialism and celebration of Africa in its post  independence era. I've often wondered whether my generation is capable of producing such literary masterpieces as Camara Laye's "l'Enfant Noir" or Ngugi Wa Thiongo's "Weep not child". Like the music of our parents and grandparents' generation it seemed that the best had come and gone.
However a few years ago I started discovering a new generation of African writers - almost by mistake, because I wanted to offer readers who visited my bookshop a wider choice of African and African diasporan writers. Years later when the BBC ran a poll in the UK to find the 100 greatest books of all time or 'big reads' as they were called, I was irritated by the lack of African and African-diasporan writers on the list. I decided to compile my own list in consultation with friends, a list that focused exclusively on African and non-Western writers. I was surprised at how easy it was to reach 100 and in fact limit the list to 100. The African writers or writers of African descent featured on the list included Chris Abani, Dayo Forster, Andrea Levy, Aminatta Forna, Diran Adebayo, Edwidge Danticat and many more. A name that appeared twice because of her two impeccably written novels was Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. A country woman of Achebe who shares not only his ethnicity but was also fortunate to have received praise from this literary giant.
What struck me when I read Purple Hibiscus, Adichie's first novel, was in fact its simplicity and lack of pretension  At last I had found a story I could relate to told by someone with a natural understanding and knowledge of the subject matter and cultural setting. Often I found so many works of fiction set in Africa or dealing with an African subject matter came across either as the work of an anthropologist (usually White) observing his subjects for the purpose of an scientific study or as an overzealous effort by an African to sell his book or receive critical acclaim in the West by perpetuating the age-old stereotypes about the continent. Adichie by contrast tells stories of ordinary Africans, middle class, hard working, with flaws and above all relatable. In Half of a yellow sun, we witness her ability to interweave history into fiction without overdoing it. It never feels like you're reading a Masters dissertation - the facts provide a context for the story - a thread that runs throughout but she doesn't lecture the reader or burden her/him with far more information than is necessary. Her third offering - a series of short stories entitled The thing around your neck took a more lighthearted turn - showcasing Ms. Adichie's humour and allowing us to laugh at ourselves - our modern day selves - grappling with a range of sometimes banal, sometimes profound issues.
And now with the release of her latest novel entitled Americanah, Ms. Adichie demonstrates unequivocally why she is a worthy successor of Chinua Achebe. Far from being a epic work, it is the simplicity and relevance of Americanah that makes it such a stellar offering. What Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie offers to the contemporary reader - especially the African of her generation is an account, a recording of our reality. The stage - post independence Africa - provided a setting for the likes of Buchi Emecheta and Ousmane Sembene, for Ms. Adichie and her contemporaries it is  instead - the 21st century Western World/ Africa of Africa's renaissance and America's first Black President. This modern world, observed by Ms. Adichie is inhabited by a nomadic urban-dwelling population of Afropolitans - moving from the continent to the West effortlessly....switching accents and influencing whatever sphere they find themselves in.
Although there are many writers of her generation like her, some already mentioned, others include Lola Shoneyin, Chika Unigwe, Irene Sabatini and Tsitsi Dangarembga, I would argue that Ms. Adichie's talent shines the most in part because its polished yet down-to-earth and in part because she herself reflects the modern African. She shares her time between the USA and Nigeria. She is intelligent yet unprententious in her writing, we need not reach for a thesaurus or dictionary in order to appreciate her storytelling. She has knack for creating characters - both her main protagonists and passing ones that are multi-dimensional, ones that make us laugh at loud and remind us of people we've met along the way.  Commendably she has avoided the go-to themes for Africa of conflict, chaos and helplessness. Her novels showcase the good and bad of Africans and Africa but mostly they showcase the ordinary -the human stories that we hope those outside the continent will recall when they interact with us - not the stories of corruption, war and famine but those told by Ms. Adichie of family, aspirations, love and everything in between. With the loss of one great writer, we're thankful for another and grateful that our stories continue to be told in way that reflects both our simplicity and our complexity.